


All I Ever Wanted

by iwannafucktheguitarist



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aro!Calum, Aromantic Character, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Queerplatonic relationship, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 17:57:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7943890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwannafucktheguitarist/pseuds/iwannafucktheguitarist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael’s always been in love with Calum, so when he finds out they’re soulmates, he’s overjoyed. There’s a slight problem, though…Calum’s aromantic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Ever Wanted

**Author's Note:**

> omg i'm alive. i haven't written anything in ages and the only reason i finished this was because of ppl telling me to finish it and finally my friend madye from the fanfic writer support groupchat was like, here, let me help you finish it. so a huge thanks to her bc without her this fic would be literally half as long.
> 
> the title is from an all time low song that i've had stuck in my head all day and it has literally nothing to do with the fic
> 
> i've been working on this for months, and i almost gave up on it several times. but there needs to be more aro representation, and more representation of unrequited love working out okay for both ppl. so here, have this

Michael wakes up on his eighteenth birthday and excitedly looks at his wrist, looking down to see the initials C.H. standing out against his pale skin. Calum? His bandmate and best friend who he’s been in love with since forever? Michael had hoped that would be who his soulmate was, but he hadn’t dared to let himself consider it.

Michael wonders if Calum’s mark has appeared yet. The younger soulmate’s mark always appears on the older one’s eighteenth birthday; no one knows exactly why but that’s how it happens. Michael’s eager to see Calum so they can talk about it, and then they’ll be together, because soulmates are the perfect match for each other.

 

*******************************************

 

Calum’s brushing his teeth and notices something on his wrist. His soulmate mark? He won’t be eighteen for another two months; it’s Michael’s birthday, not his. Besides, why would he have a soulmate mark? He’s never had a crush on anyone, never been in love. He found the term aromantic a few months ago and felt that it described him perfectly. He’s aromantic but definitely not asexual. He’s been sexually attracted to people but never romantically. So why would he have a soulmate? He wouldn’t be able to give them what they want. Soulmates are supposed to be together romantically and be together forever. The thought of being in a romantic relationship makes Calum really uncomfortable, and he hopes whoever his soulmate is will understand.

He looks at the mark and nearly bursts into tears. M.C. It would be too much of a coincidence for this to appear on Michael’s birthday and not be Michael. Fuck. He’s known the older boy had a crush on him for a while now, but it was just something that no one said anything about because it would be awkward. He has no idea how to tell Michael that he doesn’t want a romantic relationship with anyone. Even though Michael is apparently his soulmate.

 

*******************************************

 

As soon as Michael opens the door, Calum is engulfed in a big hug. “Did you get yours too?” Michael asks excitedly, grabbing Calum’s hand and looking at his wrist, a wide smile on his face when he sees the M.C. imprinted on Calum’s wrist.

As soon as Michael drops Calum’s hand, Michael pulls him in and presses their lips together. And Michael’s not a bad kisser, and Calum likes kissing, so he doesn’t stop him. Calum feels Michael’s hands in his hair, gently tugging, and he knows he should stop this, knows that Michael will be hurt when he tells him he doesn’t feel the same. But Michael’s deepening the kiss and Michael’s a good kisser, and Calum doesn’t want to end it. Because as soon as he breaks the kiss, he’s going to break Michael’s heart, and he just doesn’t want to do that to his best friend. Eventually Michael pulls away and looks at Calum, and Calum can see Michael’s feelings in the way he’s looking at him, and he just wishes beyond anything that he could feel the same, that he didn’t have to hurt Michael this way.

“Michael, I...can we talk about this?” Calum asks quietly, looking away.

The smile vanishes from Michael’s face. He nods. “You’re right, we need to sort this out.” They sit on the couch, and Michael looks at Calum and says, “Okay, so we’re soulmates. So are we gonna be boyfriends, then?” And the look in Michael’s big green eyes, that hopeful gleam, just makes this even harder for Calum.

Calum feels like an absolute dick for this, and he knows he shouldn’t feel guilty, that he can’t help being aromantic, but he has no idea how to tell Michael he’s aromantic without crushing the older boy’s hope. Calum starts crying.

 

*******************************************

 

Calum’s crying. Why is Calum crying? Michael’s confused. This is a good thing, isn’t it? Finding your soulmate is supposed to be a wonderful thing. And they’ve been best friends for years, since they were kids, so why is Calum freaking out about this? And then it hits him. It can’t be, that would be such a cruel joke by the universe. Michael’s been in love with Calum since they were  _ kids _ , and they’re  _ soulmates _ . If Calum doesn’t want him...he doesn’t know what he’ll do. “Calum, do you…” Michael feels tears starting to form in his own eyes. “Do you not want me?”

Michael sees Calum look up at him, eyes red from crying, face covered in tears. Calum starts crying again. “I love you, Michael, just...not like that,” he says quietly. “I don’t want you romantically. I don’t want anyone romantically. I’m aromantic. I hate myself for being like this. I wish I could love you like that. It’s killing me that I can’t feel that way. I love you and I don’t want to hurt you by not being in romantic love with you. But I literally can’t feel that way about anyone. Even you.”

Michael looks at Calum again. He can see that Calum is truly hurting about not feeling the same. And as much as he wants to be mad at Calum and blame him for this, Michael knows that Calum’s just as upset as he is, if not more. He guesses unrequited feelings are hard on both people involved. You just only hear the stories of the one who’s in love. The other person really gets the shit end of the deal. Calum’s basically sobbing over having to tell Michael he’s not in love with him. Michael hates seeing his best friend—his soulmate—crying over something he can’t control.

“It’s okay,” Michael tells him tearfully. It’s really not, but he can’t stand seeing Calum upset over something he has no control over.

 

*******************************************

 

It’s a few days later and Michael’s been avoiding Calum. Well, he’s been avoiding everyone, really. He just has no idea how to act in this situation and really he doesn’t even know what he’s feeling. He hasn’t left his room, let alone his house, in days, so he has a ton of unanswered calls and email from various people, mostly Calum. He’s still trying to process everything so that he doesn’t make a wrong move and ruin their friendship. His phone is ringing for the five hundredth time that day and, being tired of listening to it, he picks it up.

“Michael.” It’s Calum. Of course. Who else would it be but the one person he doesn’t want to talk to?

“Hey...uh...dude. What's up?” Michael cringes at how stupid that sounded.

“Oh, uh...you haven't been to practice and we’ve all been worried,” Calum responds. Michael chews on his lip, trying to come up with a suitable excuse. He doubts anything he comes up with will be believable, but the truth is just so pathetic. He’s been moping in his room for days because his best friend doesn’t love him romantically. So they’re soulmates, but really, Calum’s his best friend first, before anything else. And he can’t let Calum see how devastated he is by his rejection.

“Yeah, um...I've been really sick. Yeah, just awful..can't move out of bed.” Michael even does a little fake cough to try and sell it. He can tell, though, Calum is not fooled.

“Sick,” Calum says skeptically.

“Mm-hm,” Michael says quietly. Calum sighs.

“We really need to talk,” Calum says, dropping his voice to a whisper. This is what Michael has been dreading. The confrontation. The rejection. The heartbreak. Calum is going to tell him that they should just be friends, that he doesn’t want to be anything more than that with Michael, that Michael should just try to forget about the soulmate mark. Michael wishes he’d never seen those two little letters on his wrist.

“I know,” Michael says quietly. “Meet me at the park in five?”

“Yeah see you there. Five minutes.” Calum hangs up and Michael forces himself out of bed. He has no idea what he should say, or even if he should say anything at all. The phone call was painfully awkward and seeing Calum face to face is probably not going to be any better. He has to do it, though, he has to say something. His soulmate, the love of his life, is waiting for him to say something.

 

*******************************************

 

Calum is sitting on their favorite swing, beginning to think Michael’s not going to show, when he sees the older boy walking up the dirt path. He’s gone over what he’s going to say to his soulmate a million times in his head. None of it seems right. He has no idea how to apologize for this, no idea how to phrase his offer so it doesn’t sound like pity. So it doesn’t sound like he’s settling. Because Michael is the most important person in the world to Calum, and he’s already made the boy feel like shit for something neither of them have control over, so Calum decides he’ll just wing it. But when Calum sees Michael, sees his face, suddenly everything is right. He knows exactly what he’s going to say. As soon as Michael gets close enough Calum runs up to him and pulls him into a crushing hug. It takes a while, but Michael returns the hug.

“I’m sorry I was such an ass,” Calum says, and he hears Michael laugh in his ear, feels his chest rumble where they’re still pressed together, and he can tell that everything is going to be okay.

“I’m sorry I avoided you for the past week. It was really shitty of me,” Michael says, pulling away. Calum looks at his best friend, his soulmate, sees the hope shining in his eyes, and he knows he’s making the right choice.

“I can't offer you a romantic relationship,” he says as he sits down in a swing, his eyes avoiding Michael’s, unsure now how exactly to say what he needs to say.

“I know,” Michael sighs, and he looks like a kicked puppy. Calum reaches out and places his hand on Michael’s shoulder. Michael looks up at him sadly.

“Believe me, I want to be in love with you. This would be so much easier if I could just feel this shit like a normal person. But I can’t. I have feelings for you, though. I love you, just not the way you love me. And I really liked kissing you, and I wouldn’t mind doing it again. But I understand if you don’t want that,” Calum needs Michael to understand this, that he really does care for him, that he loves him, in as much as he possibly can, that if he was going to fall in love with someone, it would have been Michael. That they’re still soulmates, no matter what the nature of their relationship. That he’s willing to give Michael whatever he’s capable of.

“I thought you didn’t want me,” Michael mumbles, sounding kind of choked up, and Calum squeezes his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you. It hurts me to see you in pain. You’re my best friend. And if I was going to fall in love, it would have been with you. But I have a suggestion. I can't be romantic with you but we can try a queerplatonic relationship, exclusive of course,” Calum says. He hopes Michael says yes. That Michael is okay with not being his boyfriend, because he’ll still get to have him, as much as Calum is capable of giving.

“Okay.”

“Really? You’re fine with it? Because I don’t want you to feel like you have to settle for this just because I’m your soulmate. I’m sure you could go out and find someone who’ll fully fall in love with you. I just want you to be happy.”

“That’s what true love is. True love means making sacrifices to be with the person you’re in love with. I know you don’t feel that way about me romantically, but we’ve been best friends for a decade. We’ll figure this out.”


End file.
